Tag: satire

My first month in a new job.

My VM Ware server, I have 5 different servers and 2 endpoints running concurently.

Its Friday evening and I’m out Jogging (yeah right, I’m in the Pub, working on my laptop).

Well, Ive just finished my first month in my new Job. Its pretty interesting, Ive learned loads of cool new stuff about infrastructures, VM Ware and Citrix.

For example, some of you reading this (that even care !) will think that there are 3 types of entity in the client side virtualization model (there are in fact 5).

Its pretty cool, I have my own laptop, my own server and other stuff like an IP phone and an RSA key.

To resolve various technical matters, we use state of the art technology. One of them, is a program called Windbg. Apparently it stands for the nickname, Win-debug. I personally think it should be called Windbag, which is much easier to remember.

In the evening, Ive been watching a DVD by Brian Madden (a legend in the virtualization world, I read his blog every week).


Culturally, the firm is very modern and progressive, as you would expect a software house to be.

On my first day, we had an induction with the boss ( a very charismatic guy).  Amongst the various things discussed, were some management strategies that had evolved with the company, and one was  the metaphorical  “hill of hell”.  Its Ironic, that every day, I face my own personal hill of hell, as I walk from the station to the office, up an enormous hill.

The lad I walk in with, is a lot fitter than me, so I am usually exhausted when I get to the top (although I feel like I’m getting a lot fitter).

Dave Angel from the Fast Show

As well as the lad I walk into work with, Ive made some other friends. One of them, Darius (that isnt his real name) who looks a lot like Dave Angel from the Fast Show.

Darius, initially accused me of racism.  His argument centered around my lack of cultural sensitivity towards residents of a particular peninsula near Mersey side, which purports to be part of Cheshire.

His allegations, centered around the fact that I call it The Wirral.  He points out, that there is no such thing as The Manchester, or The Liverpool.

I have therefore, spent the last 3 weeks, practising saying <pause> Wirral, which has resolved the problem.

Darius (who goes rowing) and Ro (it isn’t her proper name, but it rhymes with it) teas me by making up songs containing my surname.

The towpath walk near work.

In terms of working benefits, there is a canteen. Although I take sandwiches Monday to Thursday, they always do “Pies” on Friday, and I make a point of starting the weekend early by eating one (along with chips and gravy).

The office is casual dress code as well, which I think is much more comfortable than I traditional suit.  I resist the urge to dress like a 70’s punk rocker and try to maintain some sense of occasion in my clothes and grooming.

There is a superb coffee machine, which is free. Its amazing, the sort of coffee, that you pay £3.50 after a meal, is the stuff that we drink throughout the day. I prefer a mix of Italian, and occasional Arabic brands.

I spend my lunchtimes either reading or going out walking. I have worked out a circular route, that takes in the Canal and can be completed in about 40 minutes. Its very peaceful and relaxing.

Unfortunately (for the purposes of this blog) the company functions in a competitive market place, so Im not able to discuss what we do, how we do it etc (you’ll just have to take my word, that its pretty exciting stuff).

Overall, things are pretty good. Life is getting back to normal (after 4 months of unemployment).  I have enough money to pay the bills and pursue adventure, and I have interesting work to do each day. If there is more to working life than that, Id like to see it.

Tesco Cycling, and the collapse of British Humor.


I write the article below, a couple of weeks ago. Since then, Ive seen this article on BBC News. Some people really have no  sense of humour at all !.

Over the last few weeks, we have seen corruption, deceit and abuse of privilege. People getting away with things, for which the man in the street, would probably be arrested.

To quote Blackadder:  “Disease and deprivation stalk our land like two giant stalking things”.

Action needs to be taken now !

1. Call as many friends as you know, get some bicycles and get over to Tesco.

2. Enjoy your right to cycle around at dangerous speeds, while giving scant regard to safety or the control of your bicycle around young children.

If someone like Duffy (the new female Tom Jones)  can do it in a Coca Cola promotion, everyone should be allowed too (even if they aren’t making a “tick all the demographic boxes”  advert).

When I tried, they wouldn’t let me, there is nothing personal in this whatsoever.

Oh, sorry, did you think I was talking about the MP’s expenses scandal ?. That’s a bit outside of my scope.

Update – what have I been doing with myself lately.

Kro Piccadily. Absolutely fantastic bar, that my mate Al runs.

Well, just a few words to say thanks to all of you, who keep coming back to visit this website.

The weather has been fantastic this week. On Monday, I went up to Manchester, and spent the day with my old friend Lee Sawbridge. It was really cool, just hanging out in Manchester (although I did intend to move back to Manchester and start a new life there, I changed my mind. Its still a fantastic place to visit though).

A guy I met in Morocco last year, kept chatting about Manchester (that’s one of the things that persuaded me to try a move “home”). As it was, I realised that my home’s in Chester now, and life’s moved on, but I couldn’t resist popping over to his bar just to see what it was like and it really was fantastic.

The India crew (they arent actualy from India, but I met them there) are organizing a trip to Berlin in October.  Ive been there before (Berlin 1, Berlin 2) but they are such good company, Ive decided to go back (and at least it means I will be going somewhere overseas this year, I dont think I could stand a whole year stuck at home).

I’m still looking for work, so if anyone is looking for a spectacularly gifted engineer, with stunning communication skills (and modesty) give me a shout. In the meantime, I continue to “work” on finding a job, each morning and write 3 page letters to the benefit office, explaining why they should give me a little of my own money back, now that I’m not working.

On a more humorous note, I have registered with the NHS job website. I set it to send me details of every job, that contains the word “IT”. What I didn’t realise, was that every job contains the phrase “Must have a comprehensive knowledge of IT”. So far, Ive been offered jobs as a midwife, an accountant and even a diversity trainer.

Things at home are okay, Jude and Nathan went away for the weekend camping, and asked me to look after the cats. Amazingly, I didn’t starve or over feed them, and they were both fine, when their owners returned home.

A friend I haven’t seen for ages, and used to be a regular in the Northgate Arms, along with the rest of us, has recently appeared on the social scene. Amelia, went back to Spain for 2 years, and has just returned to the UK.

We went out for a couple of drinks last night, along with another old friend from Corning, Matt Bridges.

My mate Dan, just got a new job, so I haven’t seen much of him lately. Its said that in life, as one door closes, another one opens. Seems like my doors keep closing and his keep opening 🙂

Im in the process of re-writting my credit crunch lunch article, as I couple of things have changed since I originaly did it.

Off the wall money saving tips

The pub beer garden. Save a fortune on your own garden.

Ive had a few ideas to save money and bring in a bit of extra cash.

1. Fill up a plastic water bottle, at a public lavatory (saving of £1.20 every time you do it).

2. Drink at a nearby pub, which has a really nice patio and decking (one off saving of £1500, as I don’t actually need to get my own patio).

3. Since I live next to the Mill hotel, I can just sleep in my own bed, and not get a room there (saving of £92 per night, and several thousand pounds, throughout the year).

4. Collecting milk from other peoples doorsteps (saving, a couple of pounds per week, until someone catches you, and you get a black eye !).

5. Lifting candles from the pub, and using them to light the house at night (saving, a couple of quid a week, until you get caught and barred).

6. Urinating in the swimming baths (doesn’t save that much on its own, as you have to pay to use the swimming pool, however having the bathroom ripped out of your house, and converting it into a poodle parlor, could create revenue of several hundred pounds per month).

Okay, now that Ive done all of that, I am awash with money, and I just can’t decide what to do with it  🙂

But seriously, there is a superb budgeting section on the money saving expert website. You can view it here.

Dan and I pay our respects to Flo-Rida


That ridiculous musical absurdity, flo rida  (pronounced flow-rider) was on TV recently being interviewed. In the interview, he announced his mobile number, and said that he would love to hear peoples views on his music.

Dan and were in the pub the other evening, and decided to text “flo” with our thoughts on his musical talents and brand.

I won’t say what we said exactly, but words like “unoriginal” and “tool” were used quite a lot.